The Things People Say
When You are Ill ...

Having been diagnosed with a disease such as Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA~an autoimmune disease), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), and extreme adrenal fatigue was bad enough but when I actually told people that I had been diagnosed, I was completely astonished by their responses. I really did believe that people that knew me and "loved" me would respond with support and interest (or at least ask me questions about the situation) but I was never SO wrong! 

Many people have been down~right thoughtless and casual in their remarks about the diagnosis of RA, CFS, and adrenal fatigue It was as if I had told them I had stumped my big toe. (Like I could just put a band~aid on it! LOL) While I am personally realing in the devastation and changes are happening in my body and in my LIFE.

 The first experience with this kind of dismal scenario was one week after the dx. I was at the restaurant with a group of family members and I told a relative I had been dxed w/ the autoimmune disease (RA) and had been prescribed chemotherapy (MTX). She said, "Oh," and immediately continue a conversation with another relative... I had been completely dismissed! I couldn't believe it! I felt like I had been slapped!!! But that was only the beginning of  MANY ignorant, degrading, and inappropriate comments that would come from relatives, friends, and people that I thought loved and supported me.

I will preface this by saying not ALL people have responded this way... but the people that have been supportive have been few and far between.

For nearly a year I have listened to comments such as "You need to just get out and get the blood flowing" ~"You need to take honey" ~ "You should drink green tea" ~ "The magic of dealing w/ RA is to JUST PUSH THRU IT" ~ "Oh, I have that in my elbow" ~ "You are not EVEN trying to get well" ~ "At least you don't have cancer!" ... (the list goes on....)

These flippant, waggish remarks have left me bawling, angry, degraded, and down~right steaming!

What's worse is that these "ignoramus, unintelligent remarks have come from people who do NOT have an autoimmune disease, RA, CFS, or adrenal fatigue. But for some reason they feel that they have the "right" or "position" to give me advice. Hmmm.... and usually that advice is NOT based on research, experience, or knowledge. It's just an "off the cuff" opinion. And as we all know, opinions are like armpits. Everyone has a couple and usually they both stink!

I have made a simple decision.

Out of respect for MYSELF, I will no longer tolerate impish, ignorant, degrading, ill~informed remarks from people that have stinky armpits! I finally confronted  someone who made a remark to me not long ago. The remark was "The magic of dealing w/ RA is to JUST PUSH THRU IT."

The next morning, I made a phone call to this person after prayer and making sure that my attitude was in check. I was not angry when confronting or stating my feelings. I asked if I could have a moment of his time. I explained (in a very calm and nonthreatening tone and voice) that the remark that he made had insulted me. Even though I figured he did not mean for it to be demeaning, I told him I still felt belittled. I stated of all the many hours of research that I had done on the Internet, of the six doctors that I had seen for my health condition, of all my personal friends that have RA and CFS, not anywhere had I read or been given the information of dealing with RA/CFS  by "just pushing thru it."

He did apologize and I accepted his apology kindly. He stated that maybe he should be more careful about how he says things and says he didn't even understand my condition. I stated, "Exactly!".... and I told him it would be wise for him to consider his words before speaking about a condition he has not diligently studied or experienced personally.

The scene did not turn ugly, nor did it leave a friendship marred. But I have decided that I will no longer go home angry and cry about something that someone has said to me out of sheer stupidity or ignorance. I will confront them kindly and tell them that I will receive medical advice only from my doctor, nutritionist, and  those that are suffering the same tribulations.... !

I am learning that speaking my mind in love is empowerment and even courtesy toward others!

Speaking my mind does not have to mean I hit them with a car or run over them w/ a bus to get my point across! It simply means I can state my feelings (in love and respect) and ask for them to kindly consider their words before giving advice! For when information is exchanged in kindness and not in a way of demeaning another, knowledge advances and can benefit everyone!